Hi ! I'm french...

This is the beauty of being on holiday : doing nothing, enjoying the here and now..
Like joel did : this article is full of nothingness..

You know Joel, you could make some serious coin teaching North Americans the fine art of cafe sitting.

You know, this might be one of my new life goals. To learn how to simply sit in a cafe.

Posted by: dr | August 12, 2006 11:39 AM

Well, I'm surprised a little bit by you french guys. Relax, petez un coup !

I think this article is not a deep analysis of the french society. If you have ever been abroad you should remember how you remarked funny details about the local culture. Well it's the same here I guess.

Moreover, it looks like there's this fantasy with americans and english about doing nothing. My friends from the us or england always believe that life is sloooooooooow here in Paris. When I was living in London I didn't notice any difference with the pace.
The same with french women that american males want to have in their beds, and american women wished they could like them eat both patisseries and be skinny.

Well I think there is a lot of clichés that Americans will focused on if it's their first visit here but of course the parisian life is sometimes far from these fantansies.

Joel here's a tip.
Next time you go to Paris, don't stay in "Le quartier latin" since there is so much tourists there. Try the Oberkampf area which is a bit more authentique to me. However you'll probably see the parisian ne rien faire there too.

Ciao

Posted by: leparisien | August 14, 2006 12:59 PM

The following advisory for American travelers heading for France was compiled from information provided by the U.S. State Department, the Central Intelligence Agency, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug Administration, the Center for Disease Control and some very expensive spy satellites that the French don't know about. It is intended as a guide for American travelers only and no guarantee of accuracy is ensured or intended.


General Overview
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France is a medium-sized foreign country situated on the continent of Europe, and is for all intensive purposes fucking useless. It is an important member of the world community, although not nearly as important as it thinks.
It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular consequence or shopping opportunities. France is a very old country with many treasures such as the Louvre and EuroDisney. Among its contributions to Western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese, the guillotine, and body odor. Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that the people will-fully persist in speaking French, although many will speak English if shouted at repeatedly.

The People
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France has a population of 54 million people, most of whom drink and smoke a great deal, drive like lunatics, are dangerously over sexed and have no concept of standing patiently in a line. The French people are generally gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof and undisciplined; those are their good points. Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, although you'd hardly guess it from their behavior. Many people are Communists and topless sunbathing is common. Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie and they kiss each other when they hand out medals. American travelers are advised to travel in groups and to wear baseball caps and colorful pants for easier mutual recognition. All French women have small tits, and don't shave their armpits or their legs.

Safety
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In general, France is a safe destination, although travelers are advised that France is occasionally invaded by Germany. By tradition, the French surrender more or less at once and, apart from a temporary shortage of Scotch whisky and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life for the visitors generally goes on much as before. A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English Channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the French government to flee to London.

History
*******
France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport. The French armies of the past have had their asses kicked by just about every other country in the world.

Government
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The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held more or less continuously and always result in a run-off. For administrative purposes, the country is divided into regions, departments, districts, municipalities, cantons,communes, villages, cafes, booths and floor tiles. Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower (although, con-fusingly, they are both on the ground floor), whose members are either Gaullists or communists, neither of whom can be trusted. Parliament's principal pre occupations are setting off atomic bombs in the South Pacific and acting indignant when anyone complains. According to the most current State Department intelligence, the current President is someone named Jacques. Further information is not available at this time.

Culture
*******
The French pride themselves on their culture, although it is not easy to see why. All of their songs sound the same and they have hardly ever made a movie that you want to watch for anything except the nude scenes. Nothing, of course, is more boring than a French novel (except perhaps an evening with a French family.)

Cuisine
*******
Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants, on the other hand, are excellent although it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word. American travelers are there-fore advised to stick to cheeseburgers at McDonald's or the restaurants at the leading hotels such as Sheraton or Holiday Inn. Bring your own beer, as the domestic varieties are nothing but a poor excuse for such.

Economy
*******
France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's economy in Europe, which is surprising since people hardly ever work at all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, high-caliber weaponry, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft, mis-cellaneous armaments and cheese.

Conclusion
**********
France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied land-scape and a temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if French people didn't inhabit it, and it weren't still radioactive from all the nuclear tests they run. The best thing that can be said for it is that it is not Spain. Remember no one ordered you to go abroad. Personally, we always take our vacation in Miami Beach and you are advised to do the same.

In short, it would be a very nice country if French people didn't inhabit it, [...] Personally, we always take our vacation in Miami Beach and you are advised to do the same.